Workplace Bullying Project LLC
The Definition of Workplace Bullying
Workplace bullying is repeated, aggressive behavior that occurs over an extended period of time in the workplace toward one or more employees.
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This inappropriate, toxic behavior is intended to cause physical or psychological harm to the Target of the bullying. Individuals who are on the receiving end of this negative behavior are often in situations where they find it difficult, or even impossible, to defend against the mistreatment. Abusive conduct can take various forms, including, but is not limited to:
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Verbal abuse (yelling, demeaning, condescending and excessively demanding communication)
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Social isolation and ostracism
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Applying different standards and often times unrealistic expectations
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Emotional manipulation including gaslighting
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Threatening, intimidating, humiliating, condescending behaviors (physical, verbal and nonverbal) with the goal of devaluing the Target
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Work interference and sabotage by withholding information and resources
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Ridicule and humiliation tactics
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Ongoing and relentless criticism
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Excessive performance monitoring including micromanagement
It's Not the Target's Fault - Ever.
A common theme that emerges in discussions with Targets is a sense of shame and responsibility for
the abuse they have endured at work from a bully, bullies and/or a mob of bullies. It is NEVER a Target's fault.
Ever. There are a few key reasons why Targets feel it is their fault (despite the fact it absolutely is NOT):
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The bully's goal from the beginning is to make you feel "less than", they are conditioning you to believe
there is something inherently wrong with you which is their reasoning and rationale for abusing you. The nitpicking,
relentless criticism, micromanagement and ridicule are ways for them to confirm that you DESERVE the abuse.​
This naturally leads to shame and self-blame. Reject this notion. The abuse you experience is NEVER your fault.
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Targets of workplace bullies are typically highly ethical. As a result, the natural tendency is for Targets to
take responsibility for the dysfunctional, toxic dynamic with a bully. Reject this notion. The abuse is not your fault.
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The standard response to abuse at work by imposter leaders, HR and even colleagues is to deny it is happening.
The effects of this denial and even victim-blaming in the form of D.A.R.V.O. results in Targets feeling as though
they are responsible for the abuse given that nobody is acknowledging it is happening and, in fact, they may
even be gaslit and blamed for it (classic victim-blaming through the use of the D.A.R.V.O. technique.
REJECT - this is precisely what bullies and their sponsors want Targets to believe. REJECT.
What About Human Resources?
They Will Help...Right?
The short answer: no. This is a harsh truth bomb for many people to accept given what we have been led to believe throughout our working life, but...HR does not exist to help the employee. Yikes, there it is, the truth bomb that hurts!
HR exists to support the interests of the company, mitigate risk for the organization and support leadership.
The overwhelming majority of Targets who seek support from HR are either, at best, met with a blank stare along
with a lot of note-taking from their HR Representative, which is quickly forgotten and never followed up on...or Targets will be gaslit and led to believe there isn't a problem - and in all likelihood THEY (the Target) are in fact the one who is at fault for being bullied (WHAT?!) - at worst. It's ugly stuff and not to be taken lightly given how already painful and distressing bullying is to begin with and then layering in the betrayal from HR compounds a highly intense, stressful situation.
This is abuse upon abuse and confusing and hurtful - which is why it's critical we face this tough reality.
HR doesn't want to hear about the abuse you are experiencing. They don't. It's not in their best interest to
acknowledge there is bullying, abuse, harassment and perhaps illegal discrimination happening in their organization. Engaging with HR requires a clear strategy and certainly is necessary to report discriminatory practices to ensure it is documented for potential lawsuit but please proceed with significant caution in terms of reporting bullying to HR.
It will all likelihood exacerbate your already deeply troubling situation.
If you are currently engaged with HR, please consider reaching out to WBP for a strategy session...!
*And yes, there are some HR leaders who want to do what is right - thank you! I appreciate you! Unfortunately,
this is not the norm and until it becomes the norm, Targets need to be very wary of expecting help from HR.
